A couple weeks ago I went for an evening surf, floating amongst the waves as the sun set. An orange glow hovered subtly above the mountains in the distance, the rest of the sky was deep purple fading to black. I drove home with the windows down, humid sea air flooded the car while Finley Quaye’s Even After All played on the stereo.
As I came to a familiar crest in the road, I thought: there is another version of my life.
In February 2020, blissfully unaware of what was about to happen in the world, my family and I went on a trip to Mexico. For us, it was magical to the point that we extended our travels, denying the inevitable return to our usual routine. When we arrived home we asked, “What if we completely changed our lives? What if we moved to Mexico?”
It felt like one of those conversations we’ve all had after traveling to a wonderful place - brimming with excitement, possibility, infatuation, but in the end, a laughable impossibility. We had a perfectly good life and it was the life we were meant to live, not one in Mexico. How ludicrous.
And yet …
That night I took out a large sheet of paper and in the middle of it wrote, The Mexico Plan. I filled it with what we would need to do in order to obtain a seemingly impossible dream. Finished, I sat back and surveyed the outline. Writing it down and looking at all the pieces in one place made me realize something - it wasn’t impossible at all. It was just going to take a lot of effort and a serious amount of conviction.
I taped The Mexico Plan to the wall and went to sleep.
Days later COVID hits. We’re locked in our house. The Mexico Plan is an afterthought, but not forgotten as we wash boxes of cereal from the grocery store (like lunatics).
Then things start to happen. Items on the plan begin to check themselves off, not directly because we’re planning to make a move, but perhaps subconsciously because this sheet of paper is on the wall staring at us, daring us every day.
Eighteen months into COVID, there are enough items completed for us to sit down and seriously ask ourselves, “Is this happening? How is this happening? Is this insane? What the f*ck are we even talking about?
Then we did it.
We nearly bailed hundreds of times. Our thinking brains found every excuse NOT to do it. We couldn’t sleep for weeks as we turned it all over in our minds, but in the end it felt like the thing to do. The plan itself grew an inertia that would not be denied, a palpable sensation that we could feel in our hearts.
I say all this because in a multitude of recent conversations I’ve realized that most people don’t take the opportunity to look up from the lives they think they want and even consider (much less act on) what they feel they want. The latter involves taking the time to listen to yourself, not an easy task in the age of distraction - shows, podcasts, social media, always on devices, etc. This barrage of information creates layers that obscure access to the root of who we truly are. It takes effort and conviction to get at your intuitive self and a level of personal honesty that can be difficult to muster when we’re faced with life-changing decisions.
From school age in the US we are taught certain things about work and life that our family and those around us largely reinforce. It’s no wonder that the backstories of the most interesting people often involve them being counter-cultural misfits. When you are constantly told that the point of life is to get a job, a car, a house, a family, a retirement plan, and to live out your days fulfilling this form-fitted existence, you begin to believe it. In fact you have to fight not to believe it because it becomes the default mode by which everyone around you lives.
I recently heard a quote that I wrote down: “Feeling will get you closer to the truth of who you are than thinking.”
I’m not advocating that everyone pack up their lives and move to Mexico. It’s working for us in the moment, but it’s not without its challenges and it’s likely not forever. What it has done is served as an exercise in expanding our thinking and considering what we truly need and want in life.
What I am advocating is for you to consider that you may have another life. If you are so inspired, grab a piece of paper and in the dead center of it write a feature of a life you feel you want to live. Maybe it has been a while, but we’ve all fantasized about living differently, be that a location, a career, a partner, etc.
If nothing comes to mind, you may have the perfect life! If nothing comes to mind because you’re having a hard time visualizing something else, try turning off your computer and phone, and going for a walk outside. Find a place to sit for a while to be alone with your thoughts - you’ve got a surprising amount to tell yourself uninterrupted by a podcast or TikTok.
I hope you’re living the lives you’ve dreamed. If not, you can change that. It just takes effort, conviction, trust in your intuition, and knowing that there is no failure, only learning. This is your story - don’t let anyone else write it for you.
Resource
If you need something to help you focus and an easy entry point for meditation, Raphael Reiter’s podcast on Spotify is a great start. It’s a quick twenty minute hit of a consistent sound, not guided with words, and short on meditation-speak. Unfortunately the term ‘meditation’ has been charged with a kind of annoying new age connotation, but it’s really just sitting alone, closing your eyes, and letting your mind process the day. It’s a great misnomer that you have to think about nothing while meditating - it is nearly impossible. Our minds whir faster than any supercomputer, but if you do happen to achieve even a moment or two of stillness or “no mind” as the Zen folks call it, you’re winning!
Love the mix of conviction and craziness that it takes to accomplish real things and seeing you guys doing it!